Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
