I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
