is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
