mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
