Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
