Ambien. No doubt about it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
