Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
