I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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