She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Actions speak louder than pants.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
