Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
