No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
