hotel room ftw
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
