i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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