Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
