I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
