dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
