I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
