don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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