I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just high enough for therapy.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
