THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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