He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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