fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
