Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
