He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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