Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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