I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
