I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
