The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
