Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
