If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
