There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
