Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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