I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
