there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
