k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
