can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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