What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
