this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
