good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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