A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
