Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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