It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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