no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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