I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
