I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
