if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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