Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
