Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
