there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
