Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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