I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Randomize
