my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
